Me? A fighter? More like David Cameron's a twat!

One of my students said to me she thought I was a fighter.  I asked her why on earth she thought that.  She said that if she had been me, after my attack she would have  wanted to go home and not stuck around in a country that wasn't home.

I had no option, Clameron put paid to that!

I feel stateless.  I know many would argue that I'm not, but the thought of my life ebbing away as I succeeded in taking my own life gives me far more comfort than the fact that of me even being on a plane that would touch down in los EEUU.

The European Union

Un mes después mi ataque, robo y asalto (A month after my attack, robbery and assault)

Three things that have been commented to me since my attack:

1.  Even though I was in a bad neighbourhood, the level of violence shown against me was highly unusual.  It makes me wonder if I fought back against two assailants that much that they 'did me in'.  Obviously I never made a conscious decision that the contents of my handbag were worth more than my life.

2.  I've changed since the attack, seemingly for the good.  Chris said I seem stronger, like I'm not going to take any more shit from people.  To be honest, I don't know what that means.  Andy said he was paying more attention to me than before, and that I seem more 'womanly'.  I certainly don't know what that means!  I feel more wary and less trusting of strangers.  I now ask about neighbourhoods where I will find myself alone after dark, and take safety into account when going anywhere at night.

3.  [edit: see 30 December post]  I can't remember number 3!  When I do I'll come back and edit this, or maybe just change the first line to 'two'.

...

The above quote isn't totally me.  I think more closely about ending my life.  But it's not a bad quote.

Nuevacosta

Nuevacosta:

Chilean shoegaze!  Formed in Santiago in 2010, well worth checking out!

http://www.nuevacosta.com/

And I'm supposed to buy into the Immaculate Conception because...?

8 December is a national holiday in many Catholic countries. It is in celebration of the (Virgin Mary's) Immaculate Conception. It is 17 days before Christmas. It is 382 (ha ha, 383 with leap year) days before next Christmas.

(Before you read on, I respect people's wish to have a symbolic day to celebrate their personal beliefs. I only object to those who take it literally.)

An opossum's gestation period is 12 days. A hamster's is 16. A mouse or rat's is 21. ... A donkey's is 365-374, and a camel's is 400.

A human's is 260-266.

'I'm just sayin'...'

Boycott Kim Kardashian - Americans Have Had Enough!

Boycott Kim Kardashian - Americans Have Had Enough!

RIP Gary Speed

It's weird how things you would think have no connection to you whatsoever still affect you. And/or maybe I'm just a bit emotionally fragile right now anyway.

RIP Gary Speed.

We don't know all the facts; we can't get inside another man's head; there are numerous tragedies occurring every day around the world; but I'm really struck by the senselessness of this. RIP.

I was attacked, robbed and hospitalised

I was attacked, robbed, assaulted and hopsitalised last night. I'm now home to recover, but am on two days' of bed rest and won't be eating solid food for three to four weeks. I lost everything, money, cards, keys, phones, electronic travel card, etc. I can't quantify how much blood I lost, but the CAT scan came back clear, the neurosurgeon wasn't worried, the maxillo-facial surgeon shocked me by yanking the tooth that had nearly fallen out back into place without advance warning, but I then needed emergency dental treatment under local anaesthetic, and now have a set of temporary braces on my upper front six teeth. My glasses were smashed into pieces with repeated punches (you don't stop to think in situations like that... I kept kicking out against two of them even though I was on the ground), and I won't be able to replace them for over a week, which is more annoying.

Lying on a gurney in a public (government-funded in a country where if you want quality health care you have to pay) hospital, staring at the ceiling for hours on end, with no idea of what my diagnosis was, when I would be next attended to, how I would pay, what was going to happen to me, how I would get home, unable to contact a single person I knew, unable to communicate in my native language and generally feeling the injustice of being robbed of all my possessions, good will and dignity, I thought about taking my own life.

I think I'm going to stick around, but I'm really not sure why I'm bothering.

 

Jokes 20/11/11

Whoever put "Too Cool to Do Drugs" on a pencil is a spastic [not my term!].

Every time you sharpen it, it changes to "Cool to Do Drugs", then "Do Drugs" and eventually "Drugs".

 

What bounces and makes kids cry?

My donation cheque to Children in Need.

 

Scared the postman today by going to the door completely naked.

I'm not sure what scared him more, my naked body or the fact that I knew where he lived.

 

Stoned, drunk music listening... I should do this more often

New Stuff: Generationalists, Singapore Sling <== new, Sister Vanilla - important to know....  The first song I heard about a decade ago I didn't think was brilliant, but I LOVED hearing William's voice tonight on a new song for the first time in years.  Now am listening to Sister Vanilla's 'Jam Colas'.  Jim & William!!! ==>  Crocodiles, for about the second time in my life....

Homesick England: Telekinesis!; Stornoway; Big Pink (even 'Dominos'); Peter, Bjorn (umlaut over the 'o' not allowed)

Touching Base: The Jesus & Mary Chain, Galaxie 500

Not that I'd steal anyone's boyfriend, but...

So, I went and taught a private lesson for an institute student and her boyfriend.  Wow, I'm well impressed with the boyfriend!  Definitely a positive vibe going on!

I'm not after him or anything, but after being in Santiago four and a half months it was amazing to meet a Chilean at least 6'1", with the build and features of a European (Christ, that sounds so racist, I do apologise.  I'm sorry to be heightist, too.)  Brilliant sense of humour, good-looking - in my opinion, intelligent, self-assured in that he runs a business with international clients from home and has his own house, 40 years old (haven't really recently met anyone near my age, let alone older.  And five years isn't so much....

Hmmm... I don't know what I think about all that.  It spurs me on to further thoughts.  Does it give me hope where I had none?  Am I capable of, would I really, think about someone else's boyfriend?  Does this mean I'm ready to meet someone again?  What do I want, as I've gone out and had 'a bit of fun', but this is different?...

What do I want?

Fuck the sweets, give me fags and airport-sized bottles

I love you, my son

An even better revenge

An even better revenge than killing yourself and blaming someone else, is to arrange to have your ashes delivered to their home address as a 'surprise', accompanied by a note explicitly explaining the motives for doing so. 

I'd do it.

Dr Conrad Murray guilty of involuntary manslaughter

7 November: Am I the only person disappointed that Dr Conrad Murray was found guilty of the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson?

The best revenge

The best revenge someone could ever get against someone is to kill yourself, and then leave a note saying 'This was because of you.'  The person who killed him- or herself won't live to see the consequences.  The person who caused it should live the rest of their life with the guilt.



Thank you, XX, for ruining my life forever.  I hope one day you understand how you have utterly ruined my life, and I hope you have to live with that forever.

What have I done so wrong?

Earlier in a club tonight I was wrongly (stupidly) thinking about things that happened in the past that still affect/damage me now.  When will I get over it?  Will I ever?  Is it wrong of me to say 'I hate Christians.'?  This is coming from part of my upbringing, and not just a chance encounter.

Welcome

I should write a big spiel about this being my first blog's first post, but fuck it.

Here's a video clip I enjoyed.  I still don't think it's enough to make me feel like life is worth living, but it's worth watching. 

It kicks off from about 00:47, but the run-up sets the contrast well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=0u1FZhMA88g