(© Vanity Fair magazine.  I have no desire to steal the credit for this image.  Not that anyone's reading this right now anyway.

Nice to meet you, Caitlyn Jenner?

(The question mark is about me questioning myself for acknowledging and writing about what is essentially celebrity gossip.)

I think this ex- Olympic winning decathlete has tarnished himself more by the family he married into (and all their tawdry [s]exploits) than by anything he (now she)* has done as an individual.

Well, Caitlyn looks better than Kris (even though this is Photoshopped to fuck), and less fake/plastic than Kum:

I do question why I even care enough to write this.

* I'm being respectful with my pronouns. Using 'he' to refer to before today, using 'she' as of today.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

Ethical dilemma: I'm out of booze and it's 10pm.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go Now?



(Photo: https://twitter.com/the_clash_band) 

General Election 07/05/2015

General Election 07/05/2015.  I'm not going to spend undue time watching the results come in this year, though I will certainly be paying attention.

I don't feel any optimism.  It's going to be a hung Parliament, which will mean another up to five years of uncomfortable bedfellows hedging and compromising.  The very antithesis of a government that could be visionary and inspired.  

The two candidates who do have some kind of vision are Farage and Sturgeon.  Farage is best nodded at sympathetically as you would do to any drunk old man in the pub falling asleep in the corner, otherwise you take no notice; and Sturgeon... well, she's not an MP, she's not standing in this election... Nicola Sturgeon has nothing to do with the British Parliament.  She's an MSP, the First MInister of the Scottish Parliament (poor Wales only got an Assembly), and she's the leader of the Scottish National Party... but she's actually nothing to do with the UK's Westminster government.

If the SNP become the junior partners in the British government...?  I would actually agree with whoever said this could be the biggest British constitutional crisis since the abdication of Edward VIII.  I'm not saying that the situation couldn't be resolved sooner rather than later... but I don't know if there's a historical precedent for a non-elected MP, non-House of Lords person becoming a Deputy Prime Minister of the UK government.  

I will say this, though.  When Alex Salmond stepped down last September and named Nicola Sturgeon as his successor, I thought I wouldn't hear much about her after that, that the SNP would calm down a bit after the referendum didn't go their way. and become a minority party like Plaid Cymru, if not a bit more vocal/popular.  I was wrong.  Whatever else you say about Nicola Sturgeon, she's already got an advantage for not being as odious as Alex Salmond.

And I now think Scottish independence will come sooner than what I believed in September in 2014.  In September I thought the Scots would leave it another generation to hold another referendum (more like 2035-2040 rather than 2030).  I strongly believe in a nation's right to self-determination.  Emotively and rationally I did not want Scotland to leave the UK, I didn't want to see the break-up of the UK, but I do recognise Scotland's right for autonomy away from London.  

I also didn't think Scotland was ready for independence in September 2014.  (There was talk about them not being able to participate in the 2016 Olympics for not being able to register as an independent country... if Scotland left the UK they would for a time no longer be in the EU - what would that mean for border control? - would Scotland have an independent currency?  Some Scottish businesses were considering moving their headquarters into England, where the economy was known to be more certain.)  This would have been the end of the UK as we know it.  But now I think if the SNP become the dominant party north of the border, they could really learn what it takes to run a whole country after a number of years dominating the Scottish Parliament.  10+ years.  Might not even need a referendum.

There's uncertainty ahead.  And I fear the £ sterling will lose 3-5% (maybe more) of its value with the announcement of the hung parliament.

Fingers crossed that the best happens!

Mixed reaction to the new Vaccines single, out August 2013

http://www.nme.com/blogs/nme-blogs/track-exclusive-the-vaccines-melody-calling

I don't know if 'a bit disappointed' or 'underwhelmed' is more fitting here, but I do hope it's a grower!  It's not a BAD song, but it lacks that post-Ramones kick or the large sound of 'I Always Knew' the Vaccines tracks always have.  I like this song least of anything on Come of Age, and I think the first album as a whole was better than Come of Age.  I think the first three tracks on Come of Age are almost perfect, a perfect trio.

Posted this on Facebook.  Nueva Providencia, indeed!

Jajaja, ¡error de ortografía! ¡Nueva Proidencia!

New jokes

I was at the Tate Modern Gallery with my friend today and we saw a painting of a man with frizzy hair which had the name 'Garfunkel' written underneath.

My friend said, "I like it, but is it Art?"
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A Roman walks into a bar, sticks two fingers up to the barman and says, "Five beers please."
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Jim Apple finds introducing himself very problematic when holidaying in France.

While Jim Apple was having trouble introducing himself in France, at a hotel in Berlin, his friend Gordon Morgan was having similar problems when he arrived for breakfast.

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"Did you know that making a girl laugh is the second best way to get a girl into bed?" I asked my date.

"Really?" she asked. "What's the first?"

"A big fuck off knife!" I replied.

"Ha-ha, you're funny," she said.

"Well done, you've made a sensible choice."
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As my wife and three of her friends squeezed into the car after WeightWatchers, I muttered under my breath, "Fat fucking cows."

"What was that?" snapped my wife.

"You herd."
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We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours.

They seem like nice people.

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So Ian Brady wants the right to be able to kill himself.

Why don't the prison services tell him there is a gun buried in the jail somewhere, but don't tell him where it is?

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I've been trying to buy a train ticket online for over an hour now and I'm getting pissed off.

It keeps asking me, 'Where do you want to go?'

So I click on the icon that says 'Home' and then it makes me start again.
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My wife says she's leaving me because she's never seen me sober.

Fucking hell, I got married?
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I'm pretty sure I can throw a pound coin further than it would get me on a bus these days.
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I filled in a job application for the local council and under disabilities I put Narcolepsy and Tourette's Syndrome.

So not only will I be able to sleep at work, if someone tries to wake me up; I can tell them to fuck off.
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I went to see a psychic last night.

She looked at me and said, "In five years time you will have 3 children."

"But I already have 4 children!" I laughed.

She said, "I know, leukaemia is a bastard."
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"Army chief says cuts could be dangerous."

Let's hope nobody tells him about guns and bombs.

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"Do you know what the hardest part of the night is?" asked the taxi driver.

"Is it his shield?" I asked.
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After he exposed them for spying on millions of Americans, the US Government has charged Edward Snowden with, erm, spying.
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I've just made the best recipe for tofu ever!

Simply brush generously with extra virgin olive oil before lightly tossing it in the bin.
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My deaf girlfriend told me to fuck off.

That's not a good sign.

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It's not the size of my wife's breasts that concern me.

It's the length.
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Bad Guardian. Still concerned for Edward Snowden

On the cover of the Internet version of The Guardian on the night of July the fourth:  'Joey Chestnut downs record 69 hot dogs at Coney Island eating contest'.  Also in today's paper: 'Still bigger than One Direction' -- an article on the Backstreet Boys.  What happened to The Guardian?

I'm really concerned for Edward Snowden. As the Guardian editorial points out, he's a whistleblower, not a spy. 

As much as I support what Julian Assange has done, something about him comes across as a smarmy git. Snowden, not so much.

I'm really upset by Snowden's current statelessness.

In your 20s they say you discover that everything you learned as a kid was a lie. I'm thinking of 'Always Tell the Truth'. But only if it's a minor issue or your arse is covered.

U.S. Government also resting it's case in the Manning Trial.

White House petition to free Snowden (only open until 9 July):

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/pardon-edward-snowden/Dp03vGYD

I had more to write, but another time.............

May Edward Snowden land somewhere where he's free from persecution!

Free Edward Snowden!
As much as I support what Julian Assange has done, something about him comes across as a smarmy git.  Snowden, not so much.

I'm really upset by his current statelessness.

In your 20s they say you discover that everything you learned as a kid was a lie.  I'm thinking of 'Always Tell the Truth'.  But only if it's a minor issue or your arse is covered.

As the Guardian editorial today says, the man's a whistleblower, not a spy.

U.S. Government also resting it's case in the Manning Trial.

White House petition to free Snowden:

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/pardon-edward-snowden/Dp03vGYD